Have you ever been in a raid where the raid leader is well into assigning tasks, when someone says “that is not how we do
it in my guild” or “the tactic says…”?
In Vanilla WoW I was in a newbie guild. We were passionate about raiding, but we were inexperienced and our guild lacked
the numbers to do 40 man raids on a regular basis. This meant that even though we read tactics on the web we often had to
run with no druid healers and a bunch of DPS warriors. There would often be a friend of a friend or a random we had, had
to bring who would complain about the setup or our strategy, but you know what, it usually ended up working.
Yesterday I was complaining to a co-worker about how I felt bad that I was letting so many things slip that I was very
determined never to do before my daughter arrived. For the first 4 months of her life I did everything in my power to
prevent her from looking at screens. I cut my own screen time drastically when she was awake and I would turn her away
from the screen if it happened to be on.
Fast forward 8 months. I still try to keep the screen time down, but when a friend wanted to show an app that his kids is
crazy about I didn’t yoink his phone out of his hands and flush it down the toilet.
I also am guilty of sometimes watching half a show while my daughter plays on the floor and she will glance at the TV from
time to time. The problem is that when she does look at the TV I feel like the worst mom in the world. Oh no, I am not giving her
the attention she needs so she will be understimulated and surely end up a social amputee, unable to interact with other
human beings outside of the virtual world. Oh and on top of that she will of course get ADHD, because everyone knows that
children under 2 who watches TV will end up with that diagnose.
Another example. Before I had my daughter I was dead set against her sleeping in our bed, in fact I was against this all
the way until she turned 10 months. Then I started working full time and getting up 5 times every night to pace the floor
for 20… 30… 60 minutes just did not work for me, so she ended up in our bed.
This is what I was throwing at my co-worker, wanting a bit of a pity party and maybe a magical solution on how to make
my beautiful, awesome, fantastic, but super energetic, high maintenance and extremely demanding baby fit into the mold of
“how things should be done”.
And my lovely co-worker listened to me and then said “sometimes we just have to do what works for us”.
And that is the gist of it. We have read so many Baby “tactics” on how to best tackle this new crazy encounter, but
reality is just not like the top ten ways to get your baby to sleep/laugh/play on their own/develop faster/not cry/poop
In fact neither me, my partner or our baby fits the mold. I am not a stay at home mom and our child did NOT start
sleeping through the night at 6 month (and still doesn’t). Reality is that after being “on” and playing with, caring for,
entertaining and accommodating our daughter for an entire day I reach a point usually around 3PM where I will go insane if
I don’t focus on something else for 10 minutes (even if that something else is actually on a lower IQ level, like for
instance my guilty pleasure “Say yes to the dress”).
So I am trying to cut myself some slack. I am trying to not feel guilty when my attention for 15 minutes of a 24 hour day
is not focused solely on the little crawling, giggling wonder.
I am trying to feel less bad about going back on promises I made to my past self and most of all I am trying to read less
lists on the internet, because rather than help they make me stress out when I spend time(or don’t spend time) with my
daughter. Instead I will do what works for us and of course use common sense to avoid damaging my child for life.